HOW
TO STOP BLAMING & START HEALING RELATIONSHIPS
Blaming others for your unhappiness gives them all the
power. In relationships, blaming binds us together in a negative way, like
gossip. You don't have to look at what you said or did. You get to be right. No
one wants to admit fault. Saying I'm sorry is often seen as looking bad or
weak. In relationships, this lack of accountability causes most arguments. When
the one person avoids taking responsibility for what they've done (or not done)
the fight begins.
Accountability is the most powerful tool you have in
relationships because it repairs the hurt in a way that nothing else does.
How
Blame Creates Unhealthy Communication
Blame causes the other person to feel attacked. It
starts with a “you message” that makes the other person wrong. This one word
invites a cycle of defensiveness that’s hard to stop. Leading the conversation
with YOU is a sure fire way to get a negative reaction fast!
That’s because a lack of accountability hurts and
causes separation. By not owning your behavior, your partner feels devalued -
like they’re at fault. Continuous blaming makes the other person question their
reality and that damages self-esteem. This is how most relationships start to
fall apart.
How
to Take Your Power Back
Taking responsibility for your actions stops the cycle
of blame. This doesn't make you a doormat, it makes you a healthy, accountable
partner. It is the people who take responsibility for their behaviour that have
the ability to create healthy, happy relationships.
Here
are some helpful tips for minimizing blame.
Challenge old beliefs that reinforce a win/lose
strategy.
Remember, showing accountability sets a positive
example for kids.
Check your thoughts; are they negative, critical or
focused on being right?
Are you expecting someone to be different than who they
really are?
Express yourself clearly by using “I statements” to
avoid blame.
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